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Putting it All Into Perspective - a Thanksgiving Blessing in Disguise
12/2/2008 6:17:48 PM
One of our family rituals is that I take each child (we have four) to lunch on his/her birthday...just the two of us. Like any other entrepreneur, I work 16 hour days and frequently on weekends. That means I leave the house before the kids wake up and get home just in time for dinner. While I try to spend as much quality time as possible with my children, the birthday lunch is their pure one-on-one time with Dad. Not to say that we don't have any one-on-one time, but the birthday is a guaranteed ritual that we both love.

Last week (ironically enough, it was the day before Thanksgiving), it was my daughter Caroline's turn. Her pick -- the hibachi grill at Shinto Japanese Restaurant.

While we waited to be seated, I noticed the hostess asking a lady who was already seated to move to a different table. The hostess then motioned to us to sit at that lady's table. I thought it odd, because the grill master was just beginning to do his cutlery acrobatics at the lady's previous table. I'm guessing they simply wanted to have enough people at our table to warrant firing up the grill and giving another chef enough patrons to make it worth his while.


They took a Polaroid of us at the restaurant as part of the "birthday boat" package. Didn't realize they still made those!
Caroline and I took our seats, and feeling rather guilty, I said to the lady "so they bumped you, eh?" She laughed and said, "Yes, I thought I was going to get in and out quickly, but I guess that's not going to happen."

We began chatting and had a delightful conversation. She told us she moved here from Michigan. Said that her husband had retired. Said the whole Louisiana culture was far different than what she was used to in the Midwest where she grew up.

She looked so young, though. I was thinking she must have married a much older man, but then she said her husband was a professional football player who retired after a 7-year career with the Minnesota Vikings. That made a little more sense. Those guys don't last very long in the NFL. Seven years was more than respectable.

I told her about our family birthday ritual and she said, "Well, you must get the birthday boat. They come to your table with this beautiful fruit boat and sing. It's great."

I knew nothing of the "birthday boat," but I said sure, that sounded like fun. As the meal wrapped up, she looked at the waitress and said, "Could we get a birthday boat? And please put it on my tab."
What an incredibly generous thing for this stranger to do. I didn't know her from Adam's house cat, but here she was buying my daughter a gift. "You certainly don't have to do that" I said. She replied, "No, no! I insist."

We finally introduced ourselves. Her name was Demetra. We chatted some more about kids and schools. I finally asked "So, what does your husband do now that he's retired?" Of course, I was expecting her to make the obligatory "driving me crazy" crack, but I could never have anticipated her next words.

"Well," she said, "he came back here to coach (he played football for the University of Louisiana Lafayette in college) and then shortly thereafter took a job coaching in Arizona. One day, he noticed a tingling sensation in his arm. Then he noticed it in his legs and fingers, so took him to see a doctor."

Their diagnosis: A.L.S. -- also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease.

My jaw must have hit the floor, which would have been a good thing because at that moment I could feel my mouth quivering and my eyes well up. I've seen the ravages of that disease up close through two friends and a business partner whose wife is terminally ill with ALS's close cousin, MS. These are some of life's most cruel diseases. There are no cures for either and they leave no survivors. I've also witnessed the immeasurable stress caregivers must endure when dealing with an afflicted loved one.

Yet, Demetra spoke of the love of her life with such admiration and respect you couldn't help but feel the warmth of their deep affection for each other. As I pondered all of the difficulties she's surely facing, she said something that I'll never forget. "I have been so blessed," she said. "His spirit lifts me every day, and this disease has been a blessing in so many ways."

Here I was stressing about the economy...stressing about Bizzuka living up to shareholder and investor expectations...stressing about sales...stressing about buying Christmas presents...stressing about facing traffic getting home...stressing about interest rates and the stock market, and believe it or not, I was stressing about the prayer I was supposed to lead the next day at our Thanksgiving dinner with all of my family and in-laws. And yet, in that one moment, I became utterly embarrassed at the pettiness of my worries.

Amazing. Thanksgiving is a time when we express thanks for all that we've been given, and Christmas is a time when we get to enjoy the act of giving to others. The day before Thanksgiving, God sat my daughter and me down next to Demetra Thomas, wife of former pro football player Orlando Thomas.

What a gift! In a 45-minute lunch that lasted 2 hours, this dear lady took my 48 years of "stressful living" and put it all into perspective. So many times I've looked back at difficult times or even tragic events in my life and have been able to count the blessings that came as a result of enduring them. And yet, when it comes to present ordeals, I consistently fail to make that same application.

Demetra Thomas isn't looking back at past stressful events and finding the positive turns her life made as a result. She's living in a constant state of stress and seeing it as a current blessing in her life. What an amazing gift she gave to my daughter and me on the day before Thanksgiving.

My Christmas wish for you, your family, my family and selfishly, me, is that we all begin to recognize that life's difficulties are truly blessings in disguise. The trick is to look for the blessing and not dwell on the adversity. However trite that may sound, if you had the pleasure of meeting Demetra Thomas as I did, you would realize how your outlook on life is defined by that simple act.
Posted by: John Munsell | Submit comment | Tell a friend

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29 Comments
Ann Handley
12/2/2008 9:07:50 PM
John - This is an awesome story. (Paul flagged it for me.) Thanks so much for recounting an amazing story so beautifully.

p.s. I have an 11 y o named girl named Caroline, too. ; )
Lisa Wilkins
12/2/2008 9:30:55 PM
Wow John! How poignant! Good for you for taking the time to share!

Yes, I truly believe that learning to recognize the blessings in our live is the greatest gift.

I was actually working on a prototype for a Gratitude Project Community that will launch January 1 when I saw Paul's tweet. Funny how these things are on so many's minds.
Lucio
12/2/2008 9:44:56 PM
John,
thanks for sharing such lovely story. I don't have too much to comment, just to say today wasn't being a good day for me, and reading you was refreshing and inspiring.
All the best for all of you
Lucio
Paul Chaney
12/2/2008 10:07:19 PM
Let me add my kudos. This is not my favorite time of year and I usually get into a holiday funk. Reading this reminds me that there is much to be thankful for, in spite of what life throws at it. Truly, it's a matter of perspective.
Christine
12/3/2008 9:25:31 PM
John, thank you for posting this blog. What a beautiful example of how a stranger can become a friend over a meal. I was just reading something very similar to this in a book called The Ragamuffin Gospel. In Jesus' day sharing a meal was a big deal. Friendships were made that way. Demetra was so lovely to open her heart to your daughter and you over dinner. What a blessing and through her story you are blessing all of us. I, for one, am reminded not to "sweat the small stuff" as I so often do. My little niece has Hurler's syndrome, as you know, and her mother is constantly saying how blessed they all are! She sounds like Demetra - thankful and in love with the LORD. She can see good despite the bad. You know, the cup's not half empty, it's half full ;-)

Thanks again for sharing this. Keep 'em comin'. We want to read more! Hey, have you ever thought of writing a book? You taint have bad, bro!
Nancy Bach
12/4/2008 9:36:10 AM
John -- what an unbelievably moving story. And so appropos for today. Thanks for reminding me not only what this season is really about, but for reminding me what every day should be about.

Brightest blessings to you and yours!

Nancy
Michael McDuff
12/4/2008 9:54:21 AM
Thanks John. That is very touching and emotional. It is a perfect reminder for all of us to count our blessings. We all need to work hard and take care of financial obligations, but we should never let go of quality of life with family and friends. Take care.
Craig Conn
12/4/2008 9:58:41 AM
You are truly one of the good guys, John. As always, your timing is perfect. Thanks for sharing your story.
Tony McDermott
12/4/2008 9:58:50 AM
Hi John,

Thanks for taking the time to share this. It is rare that I read anything related to anyone's Blog...the whole starting a company thing gets in the way. This however was worth the time. Thanks for giving us a small gift early in the Holiday season.
Fielding
12/4/2008 10:09:33 AM
The late John Paul II had a similar perspective as his health rapidly declined. Of course, to experience Demetra's outlook first-hand is much more profound. Thanks for sharing this - as it happens, on one of *my* daughters' birthdays with whom I cannot have 1:1 lunch because she's all grown up, has her own life and stress and such. But I can still call her (and just did).
Bob Teichart
12/4/2008 10:23:20 AM
John, Thanks for taking the time to write about your experience. It shows how much you care about people.
Mike Olivier
12/4/2008 10:24:06 AM
Hello John,
Thanks for sharing this story with me and so many others. I thought for a moment...that you are twice blessed; once to be given the opportunity and two, that you were open and prepared to receive it. How easy it would have been to just be so self-absorbed in our own lives to never have given a second thought to Demetra or what she is going through.

Thanks again, John.

A very Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Sincerely,
Mike Olivier
David Trahan
12/4/2008 10:38:48 AM
Hi John, I greatly enjoyed reading your story and have passed it on to my kids. As the holiday season is putting pressure on each of them your story will help to bring them back to what is really important. As entrepeneurs we get so caught up in the race, like there is a destination or something to reach, when its really about living each day serving others. Thanks for sharing this with me and my family.
Sharon Mouledous
12/4/2008 10:42:24 AM
John, thanks for sending this story and for reminding us to take the time to realize that every day that we wake up is a gift. It happens to be just the thing that I needed to read today. We all get caught up in our own lives that we forget to just live in the moment and to find compassion for everyone because you never know what the person on the side of you is going through.
Alan Hanna
12/4/2008 10:43:57 AM
John, what a poignant and well-expressed message. And what a courageous woman. Are you sure you're not a preachin' man instead of an entrepreneur? No wait...entrepreneurs just preach from a different pulpit. Anyway, I need a constant reminder to not sweat the small stuff. I laughed out loud just now when I caught myself grumbling for fat-fingering a cut and paste to add my web address to the comment form above...no wonder I have all the worry lines on my forehead. Best to you and yours this holiday season. And good selling at Bizzuka in 2009. Best regards, Alan
Brian McHugh
12/4/2008 10:45:13 AM
Thanks John.... you know where my life's at right now and this helps. Love ya Bro.
veni harlan
12/4/2008 11:08:51 AM
beautiful john. i so believe this but needed a reminder. caroline is awfully lucky to have a dad that not only takes time to take his daughter to lunch on her birthday, engages a conversation with a stranger whom he felt bad for because she was shuffled—but a dad who actually listens and learns and appreciates. what a lovely life lesson you've given caroline. hugs, veni
Mary
12/4/2008 11:56:48 AM
Wow, John. You have always had a beautiful way with words. I recently came across one of the old UHS Collage pieces you penned...you're able to convey such precise feeling in your writing. I've never checked out the Bizzuka Blog...didn't know there was one! It's ALL about relationships. In the end, there's nothing else. Love to you and yours. Mary
Jay Maggio
12/4/2008 12:08:33 PM
Hey John, thanks so much for sharing your story. It's truly what Thanksgiving is all about. Hope you and your family are well. My wishes to all of you for a healthy, safe, and memorable holiday season and a very happy and prosperous future.

Hugs,

Jay
Margo Hoover
12/4/2008 1:13:54 PM
John, you have no idea who I am, but thank you for sharing this story with your friends. Luckily, one of them decided to share it with me. I find myself worrying way too much about things I can't control. This story will stay with me. Again, thank you for sharing. Have a wonderful Christmas! I know I will now. Margo
Allen
12/4/2008 2:35:57 PM
Munse, just what I needed...a story to read, an experience to share and a memory to keep. What a pleasant gift. Merry Christmas.
Michele Ezell
12/4/2008 3:12:51 PM
JM~
Thank you for sharing the story with your virtual community. I am humbled by your words.
God Bless.
~ME
Linda Larkan
12/4/2008 3:46:19 PM
Thanks so much for taking the time to share your blessing. While the Bible teaches us to give thanks in all situations--but that is often very hard to do when times are tough. Demetra sets a great example for us.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!!! Warmly, Linda
John Foret
12/5/2008 7:50:45 AM
John, thank you for sharing that beautiful experience. I too find myself wrapped up in very mundane concerns, and should look outward more to see that compared to many around me I am truly blessed. I pray that I can be more like Demetra more often. Thanks again for sharing John. Merry Christmas-Best, John
Bob Lyles
12/5/2008 8:55:57 AM
I REALLY appreciate you sharing this John. It seems that every time you and I talk, we discuss the stress of our business and our business priorities and never what blessings we have or what we are thankful for. I pray all our priorities will change. Merry Christmas to you, your family, and the staff at Bizzuka.
John Costa
12/5/2008 12:08:02 PM
John, Hey buddy! Long time no see. I have often thought of you and reached for the phone just to be pulled away by the almighty client and their draw on our lives. You know what I mean.

You know, most things are a blessing if we only try to see the good in them. I am glad you reached out to this woman, she may have needed you at that moment and you were there for her, in turn she was there for you to. God speaks, we choose to listen, or not in some cases, but nonetheless he is there.

I wish you well this Christmas as always. I miss seing the old Webtank crew and often wonder what things we could have achieved together. No regrets, I guess I just always had that Entrepeneur bug as you did. I am by far a better person for knowing you and appreciate the story you share here.

Keep up the good work. - John
Henry
12/5/2008 3:26:17 PM
John, thanks for sharing. This is what life should be all about.

Henry
Sandy Callen
12/6/2008 7:30:44 PM
Thanks for this story. To hear this from the real life of someone I know, well, it's especially meaningful, not just another 'email forward'... Thanksgiving and Christmas are but two of the 365 days in the year when we should give thanks for our many blessings... Haven't talked to you guys in a long time, nor had I been on your website in quite some time -- looking good!! I wish you and Lonnie, and your families, a Merry Christmas. Sandy Callen (NW Mutual-Mpls)
Sebron Partridge
12/9/2008 9:44:45 PM
Amazing how sometimes when we are in the moment and outside ourselves that we truly realize exactly what we need to improve on. I always pray that those forays into the not me leave me there; much closer to God there that is for sure. Sounds like you have recieved an ealry Christmas present wrapped in the guise of a stranger. I know that time passess and call don't get made but you and yours are always popping up in my thoughts and I am warmed by the friendships we shared at the TANK. Merry Christmas to you and yours and warmes regards.
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